Here's Hoping Our Son is Smarter Than His (Possible) Distant Relative

At the outset, I'll note that the title of this post represents my somewhat ham-handed way of forcing this post to match the ostensible raison d'etre of this blog: notes on our family's upcoming addition. With that said, if you're looking for baby updates, this isn't the entry for you. There's just not much to report on that front at the moment, other than to note that we're 75 days from the due date.

No, this post furthers the chronicles of Jamie Pollom, a person I've never met who for some reason believes my e-mail address to be hers. For those who don't follow my Facebook status updates, Jamie started a job search in early June of this year, and started using my e-mail address with potential employers and job search websites. I should note right away that when the first of these improperly addressed e-mails arrived, I felt bad for her; this is an easy mistake to make. A last name as rare as "Pollom" leads to a certain assumptions, among them that e-mail addresses featuring your last name would be available. So I initially spent fifteen minutes or so trying to figure out if I could find actual contact information for her. (I don't actually know Jamie's gender, but I'm currently operating under the assumption she's female, for reasons I'll detail in a moment.)

Unsuccessful, I archived the first e-mail, assuming it was a typo in an application and wrote the incident off. Then the second e-mail came. And the third. And the dozen (!) or so after that. My attitude quickly went from pitying to annoyed to highly amused. I began to imagine a woman emotionally beating herself up, frustrated at the lack of responses to her diligent inquiries. The picture was relatively filled in by the job offers. I knew Jamie to be a recent college graduate from somewhere in the midwest (probably Ohio) seeking a job in Human Resources but willing to settle for a clerical or administrative position. However, without a corrected address to which I could forward her responses, I imagined her "settling" for a position on her parents' couch "administering" liberal servings of nachos and cursing both the economy and LeBron James.

One job offer in particular piqued my interest; Jamie was offered a job as a "US Travel Coordinator" for an Italian Travel Agency. They offered her $3,000/month (significantly higher than the $15-$17/hour she was being offered on average), with benefits and "flexible hours." Also, one assumes, free trips to Rome, but that part went unsaid. Thinking that I might land a seven-night stay in Florence as a finder's fee, I once again attempted to track Jamie down. Facebook, surprisingly, had several Jamie Polloms. But only one recent college graduate from Ohio (who should up her privacy settings, stat). Not only that, but miracle of miracles, we had a mutual friend!

My brother quickly confirmed that he was "friends" with Jamie, but claims that he doesn't actually know her; in 2006, Jamie had made it her goal to be friends with every high school person with the last name "Pollom" on Facebook. That, combined with a Google search indicating the Italian Travel job to be a probable hoax, killed my motivation. I told my brother not to bother with a Facebook message. It didn't seem worth my (or her) time.

This was a couple weeks ago. Today, I received a new e-mail. This one from Jamie herself! Thinking I was about to read a self-effacing apology and explanatory anecdote, I quickly opened it. To my chagrin, it turns out Jamie thought she was e-mailing HERSELF. She needed a copy of an attachment from (what appears to be) her parent's computer, and e-mailed it to "herself" with the body of the e-mail an insouciant "dfhdf."

In other words, after two and a half months of receiving NO electronic responses on her job search, she hasn't taken even the first opportunity to determine whether she gave out correct information. Despite being unable to access the account (presumably, though that raises a possibility that's going to fester), she still believes it to be hers. I am done trying to contact her. Until I hear a rational explanation for this, I'm just assuming she doesn't deserve gainful employment.

Ultimately, though, the entire job search may now be moot anyway; the attachment she sent me is an "upcoming blog calendar" for a hair salon in Carmel, IN. This salon (the official stylists of the Indiana Pacemates!) does not, at the present time, have a blog, a calendar, or a "blog calendar". Jamie's attachment doesn't start until September, so I'm guessing (hoping?) this is the coda to the horrible, horrible job search. She's the new blog-calendarer for a salon a state away.

This, of course, raises a host of additional questions. Why Carmel? Was I wrong about my Ohio assumption? Can you telecommute from Ohio, and if so, how does one get in contact with an Indiana salon? (More importantly, how does one telecommute without a functioning e-mail address?) If not, and you actually move to Carmel, does blog-calendaring produce enough income to cover living expenses? How does one move from HR/possible clerical work to blogging for a hair salon? Do you need a strong writing background? Is blog-calendaring her only duty, or is there the possibility for advancement? Can she introduce me to some Pacemates? To know that she found a job actually raises more questions than it answers.

I'm not making a word of this up, by the way. The first Friday of September will be all about Brazilian Blowouts, and there's an upcoming post all about "The Rachel". Her two-month plan looks dynamite. I'm adding it to my Google Reader as soon as it goes live. I just hope it pays well enough for Jamie to afford a free e-mail address of her own.